Sunday, November 15, 2009


I found this story fascinating. It was sent to me by email by a friend.

They call it. The 10ft Liger who's still growing...
He looks like something from a prehistoric age or a fantastic
creation from Hollywood . But Hercules is very much living flesh and blood -as he proves every time he opens his gigantic mouth to roar. Part lion, part tiger, he is not just a big cat but a huge one, standing 10ft tall on his back legs. Called a liger, in reference to his crossbreed parentage, he is the largest of all the cat species.On a typical day he will devour 20lb of meat, usually beef or chicken, and is capable of eating 100lb at a single setting. At just three years old, Hercules already weighs half a ton.

He is the accidental result of two enormous big cats living close together at the Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species, in Miami, Florida , and already dwarfs both his parents. "Ligers are not something we planned on having," said institute owner Dr Bhagavan Antle. "We have lions and tigers living together in large enclosures and at first we had no idea how well one of the lion boys was getting along with a tiger girl, then loo and behold we had a liger." 50mph runner... Not only that, but he likes to swim, a feat unheard of among water-fearing lions. In the wild it is virtually impossible for lions and tigers to mate. Not only are they enemies likely to kill one another, but most lions are in Africa and most tigers in Asia. But incredible though he is, Hercules is not unique. Ligers have been bred in captivity, deliberately and accidentally, since shortly before World War II.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Phenomenal day

My favourite cup in which I brew my morning & evening tea.

Sixth of November was a phenomenal day for me. I never realized it until I was with a group of people that night.
That day marked a significant assurance that though I’m appallingly disable and inadequately equipped to meet the challenges ahead single-handedly, my biblical knowledge assured me that God’s collateral was solid. This day marked my two years stay in Angsana alone.
As I laid alone on my new bed in Angsana flats on the first night, with unlocked wooden door. All kinds of asinine & impractical questions zoomed into my mind; it kept me awake for a few hours. I imagine that the biblical characters too must have experience this psychological phobia. They were human being too & God took care of it.
My past reflection are not totally eclipsed, they are fresh on my mind. As I type these words, scenes of it are rekindled, some are like a comedy and some are quite spectacle, like learning to kill a cockroach, how I loathed these crawlies, in fact God & I had a argument over it as I made a lot of fuss over it. The good news is I’ve have learned not to scream or hide in my bed when I see one!!!
Yes, it was not a smooth sailing; there was the emotional turmoil, the social fiasco & personal calamity. It was a unique way of appreciating the God given life.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Red Rice

Cooking red rice is really time consuming. The health freaks says this stuff is good, not that I care two hoots about these things.....oh well I’ll give it a shot.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Went to Sunway Pyramid to catch the movie, all tuned up to enjoy it...........guess what. At the information counter I was told that cinema wasn’t disable friendly......counted to 20 (to prevent myself from losing my top) then calmly asked then when it will be disable the reply, had to count to 50, then took a long deep breath, bite my tongue, moved on to see what the crazy place have to offer me to be amused. I rarely come here; anyway as I moved along my tummy demanded that I feed it. Since I wasn’t the type to eat breakfast, I knew I had to stuff it with something & the picture caught my eye – had to give it a try. It was a steamboat. tasted ok lah. the place was packed at lunch hour with Subang yuppies. People here sure spend a lot on Food.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Book & Cooking

I am reading this book while I watch my rice cook. I don’t use a rice cooker – I don’t eat that much. Microwave is NOT healthy cooking, am informed by friends overboard – that gives me a nice feeling especially if one is a loner.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Visiting the hospital, quite dangerous now with H1N1.
Cooking - which I have a love/hate attitude
Attending conferences
Community service

Catching up with friend
Busy - who? Me? Naw!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Fed UP

The disable organizations in our country is suffering a epidemic that is far dangerous then H1N1. The virus within these organization is known as DISUNITY. Due to this vigorous virus among its leaders, the disables are always losing its battle for a better lifestyle. The leaders having attained ‘short lived grandeur’ lose its main battle as their vision has been blurred, so we have Ministers making all sorts of comments and disable organizations responding with various hypothesis statements. Making the whole issue insignificant.
It is a common knowledge worldwide that public transportation in very imperative and crucial for everyone, much more for the disables.
So, instead of solving the principal problem. These leaders from these organizations squabble among themselves and lose significant attention from the authorities. The issue becomes stale as time flies, meanwhile these disable leaders find other things to occupy their attention. Rising funds for their organization and attending meetings to represent the disable community who are still stuck with the same old mud.
The cost of living has shot up so tremendously and in reality the disable need to work. To meet this need, public transport must be made available as soon as possible for the disable, unfortunately, our so called leader don’t seem to realize this urgency as they are NOT AFFECTED BY IT.
There is therapy for this issue. A sole minister must shoulder this responsibly. The disable organizations will only create havoc for the disable community who are scattered. Many disables and can’t even attend events that are organized for them, due to the lack of transportation. These organizers will just organize functions only. How crude?
I may never live to see the day that public transport is made disable friendly. Such dreams will never materialized with the present government & captains of disable organizations – their bottom are stuck firmly to their seat. This is a sordid issue for the disables but a amusing one for the leaders.
I have written about this before, but i felt the need to refresh the memory of my readers........once again.

Minister comes under fire for disabled mindset comment

Friday, September 04, 2009

I am flabbergasted.

Recently, I experienced some disturbing glitches which marred my mood. It stained my mind & disfigured my ego a bit.
There are some traits in people that I find hard to tolerate, my patient just wean off at the mere sight of their faces. It sounds hash, but sometimes these characters ask for it. I have known that personality is the most difficulty area to handle where humans are concern, especially from those who have a 3rd world mentality. These are the one who do not allow their brains to function in a manner that will benefit them. Their sloppy performance and accomplishment are a sorry sight. This realization hit me so unexpectedly & left me bewildered.
I do not know why again and again I’m startled & horrified by such people. Hundred questions zooms into my head with zero answers – I am flabbergasted.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I threw away my first digital camera a few weeks back cos it wasn’t worth repairing it. It served me quite well. I took some nice shot from it and they are stored in my pen-drive.
I am not the type to simply throw away stuff. I find it difficult to do so.........I get very sentimental about my stuffs. I bought this camera while I was holidaying at a beach resort with a friend a few years back. Of course now it is very outdated, so into the trash it had to go.
Throwing stuff away isn’t really exciting. Often, these stuffs will regenerate your memories & pull your heart-strings and make it difficult to chuck it away. I am slowly learning and excising this liberating issue with the assistance of my cleaner. “Throw throw throw........” I keep telling her in a firm voice, and I know what she is thinking.......I have lost a screw or something.............
The next item will be my second-hand motorized wheelchair – my technician tell me it cannot zoooom at top speed any more due to ripe old age
Essentially & heartbreakingly I have to part with it, but I don’t know when.

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Thursday, July 23, 2009


Here is something that caught my eye while breezing through cyberspace.

I was once told that as time goes by
Everything changes with no reason why
Explanations we won't receive
We're just told we must believe
The Lord has a plan for each of us
This I Believe - This I Trust
Doctor - Lawyer - Teacher - Wife
Lord what's your plan for my life?
Explanations I don't expect
Just some guidance down the right track
Show me Lord your plan for me
I ask this of you while on my knees
Praying to you helps me to see
The wonderful plan you have for me
The Lord has a plan for each of us
This I Believe - This I Trust

No - I don't who the author is - but he/she sure did a good job.
Well I hope the 'new look' is ok. Got bored so............

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Salmon Lasagne

I believe we all have the most eccentric craving deep inside us that makes us do crazy things to get them. I am talking about food.
The moment we jump out of bed and after sterilizing ourselves, food is within our focus....for me it MUST BE is a nice hot cup of tea to start a bright new day.
For unknown reasons, I can’t eat breakfast, weird, I know, I’ve been criticized for it, from all quarters, so much so, that there is this system inside me that goes into “frozen” mode, whenever someone says ‘what do you want to eat” when I am sipping my booster brew in a relaxed manner.
I developed Italian taste buds some years ago when a couple took me to an Italian restaurant for a birthday treat. Those taste buds turned into ‘out of the blue cravings’ that sometimes grip me & force me into action mode. You know what I just discovered, that one cannot grapple with a grip.
Please excuse my bad manners........that is if you notice a chunk missing from the photo. It was already inside my tummy when I thought about my blog. The name of the dish is Salmon Lasagne. It didn’t meet my expectations, later I found out that the Italian chef wasn’t around so a local substitute dished it up – that explains a lot, next visit I’m going to call & double check on the Italian go!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

My Father's signature

I did not go to church today. I do not feel guilty about it. There is something very ‘special’ in spending time alone with God who is my Heavenly Father, on a Sunday. It is too awesome for words!

God You are amazing. You have taken care of all my needs. I lack nothing at the moment, You have not deprived me of anything, neither have You starved me since the day I have decided to live alone. That why I say You are phenomenal, incredibly & influential.

Your ubiquitous Presence truly comforts me in my time of loneness. Even though it pains me sometimes – I am consoled from memory of Your word & biblical characters. You refresh my memory & soothe my emotions. I have no qualms of Your predominance. The past & present phenomenon’s displays the singularity of Your signature in my life.

Your indulgent to my shortcoming never fail to inspire me to do better in the future. Thank you for Your amazing perceptive.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Heat Wave

The dreadful heat wave is messing up my fine-tuned schedules that I’ve laid down in my planner. In fact it is affecting my ‘working cum home-life’, in a way that is beyond my control.
I get a splitting headache if I exert a bit of brain power, then for reasons unknown I get triggered off by high dose of irritations, as my work involves speaking to people, this unexpected and outrageous surge is too dangerous for words.
I drip like an ice-cream to every simple chore that I do around the house, looking as if I was bailed out of some labour camp, not to mention the stinky aroma that whiff around my nose.........then there is this astonishing surge to lie on my blessed bed with the doors shut & air-con on and play “sleeping princess” without a care in this planet, that over-heating, due to man’s covetousness. Yap I get these surges when I’m in the midst of doing something, which cannot be postponed. A chronic urge indeed.
Life has to move on, as the saying goes, so I’ll move on, at a slower speed

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Community service

The chronic weather for the past few weeks have kept me indoor. Now we are going to experience the ‘heat wave’ and I hope I don’t wrinkle up, like a dry leaf. This annoying phenomena is most exasperating because we cannot control it, like I do to the fan in my living room. I don’t think I am going to enjoy “the heat wave”. Another spectacle and alarming news to top up the heat wave is the swine flu. It looms formidable!
I am going gallivanting despite the redoubtable & passable swine flu and heat wave. Why? Well I can’t stay indoors for long as I get fidgety. My buddies are going to roll up their eye balls up & say “why la you…….” & I’ll pretend to be twitchy about it, besides I love gallivanting……..
Community service, the kids in the picture are at my place for English lessons. I guess you call it community service. These kids are very very excited about me being their English teacher – who wouldn’t be, I am a rare looking specimen – not the normal two legged ones that are rendering the same service in another block. I enjoy teaching these kids as I love kids, babies, (not when they howl) dogs & cats as long as they are cute & clean.
The kids in my block are truly amazing. Luxury is word that they may dream about, but one advantage they possess, surviving against the odds. Poverty can either develop or destroy a life. Given the right opportunity these kids will have a better lifestyle then the unfortunate and privileged ones. Rich kids take everything for granted and parents are forever pampering them (I am not saying all parents do that.) but I cannot help noticing that the contrast is vast between the kids in my church and the kids in my block, I can never blend them together and that is for sure.
The government on the other hand seem to have a low concept for the poor – just take a look at their Education system – there is no evidence of visible improvement in their system.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Down down down

Venture capital is down.
Consumer confidence is down.
Employment is down.
Auto industry is down.
Commercial real estate is down.
Foreign markets are down.
Down down down
Is anything going UP?
Some things are.
The opportunity to serve people in need is going up.
The opportunity to trust God when trusting isn't easy is going up.
The opportunity to build a faith that will last when the storms of life hit it is going up.
The opportunity to help our churches become communities where people actually get real with each other and love and support each other is going up. Don’t you agree? Certain truths remain unchanged, we know this for - God remains sovereign, The blood of Jesus is still more powerful than the stain of sin. Love still beats bigotry. Prayers still get answered. The Kingdom is still alive and well, and does not need to be bailed out by a stimulus package, isn’t that amazing? I am speechless when I think of it. The Bible is still the word of God.
Psychologist are interesting people, they write interesting stuff – they keep your brain ticking so that it doesn’t get rusty or dusty. So different from theologians, you know, some of them are so so drab!
Sometimes psychologist writers will ask their reader to do a hypothetical exercise, I enjoy doing it. I call it “intellectual thinking”. Have you heard of ‘helicopter people?’ conscious or unconsciously we want to take off fast like the helicopter, don’t know what the latest model the Russians have built, but Malaysian Air Forces are still using some outdated models that keep crashing somewhere.
This verse says we shouldn’t behave like ‘helicopter people?’ not my favourite verse either......... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything" (James 1:1-2).
Sometimes I can get caught up in the challenges of life, face financial needs that are always shifting. Leadership requirements keep going up. Emails can be happy; but sometimes cranky people write them. And send them to me. My own motives get messed up. I get anxious, and then feel guilty. My disability doesn’t make things better for me. My emotional tolerance clash with my intellectual cognisant , the list is endless, then Paul says "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (2 Cor. 4:17). His adjectives are particularly striking, since he likely wrote these words in chains, under oppression, awaiting execution. There wasn’t a helicopter waiting for him, you know.
Is it possible that in some way people actually need adversity, setbacks, maybe even something like trauma to reach the fullest level of development and growth?

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

When God has chosen ............

When God has chosen you to be HIS. You can be 100% sure that miracles are bound to be part of your lifestyle.
To those of you who aren’t christians, please bear with me as I share one of the many miracles in here and now..........I have to.......oh by the way, miracles aren’t meant to be comprehended, there isn’t any scientific method or inferences and definitely no theories. I feel that the christians of today’s world stress too much on hypothesis, neuroscience and epistemic relativism. No, I’m not saying that is bad, in fact we shouldn’t deprave our brains with such knowledge. In fact I was very very interested in such stuff and other unlisted stuffs as well. Still am.
Ok lets get on with the anecdote. I have now become very ‘set’ in my ways, that means I don’t like unexpected incidents or announcements at unexpected time. My blood will start to curdle. So when my weekly cleaner unsophisticatedly announced her resignation through sms, I was in a very unsophisticated aura. It took quite a while to calm down. Unbridle agitation will develop into some kind of epilepsy – no need to ask a doctor, I know that (all the reading taught me so)for sure. On the other hand friends will comment “ see, I told you so........your crazy idea of staying alone.........blab blab........ will probably give me an incurable epilepsy!!
My snug nest will be an inhabitance of all the creepiest crawlies (which I hate) if I don’t get a replacement quickly. Creepiest crawlies will give me a heartattack, due to sleepless nights. I am sure my Heavenly Father wouldn’t want me to depart from this planet in such a dishonourable manner. He doesn’t, we had a chat and lo........a replacement arrived at my doorstep today.
Unspeakable miracle. God Be Praised!!!
Going to bed now.

Monday, March 30, 2009

1:27:09 am night is still young

1:27:09 AM Night is still young………for me.

“15 candidates for Bukit Selambau by-election”

Oh wow, the political bug has bitten me. Trying to figure why on earth would a candidate pay RM8,000 deposit and not mean business about it. This is a poignant and fraudulent affair. The sudden increase of independents candidates, sure smells fishy to me. They sound like counterfeit.
Our country is in a very pathetic situation – where politics is concern. Many Malaysian are very very apologetic about it, ask them, and this is a reply you will hear; “what to do lah” and all “lahs” will come out.
Metamorphosis is a favourite topic but never really flaunt by our ministers.
I believe changes will take shape, but it is going to take a long long time, corruption and ethical values cannot overlap each other. It will be good to see how the people handle this small election - are they any wiser?

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Friday the 13th. I jotted down “MATTA FAIR” in my diary. Friday the 13th. Woke up to a wet morning – in fact I had difficulty in getting my body to cooperate with the activities of the day as it still wanted to be in bed!! No, it isn’t an excuse – believe me.
So why was I going to MATTA fair, I wasn’t looking for a cheap, freaky and rush rush holiday. Not my style. There are some things that needed to be experienced & I felt that this is one of them. Well, as I expected, the MATTA fair didn’t have any packages for the disable community. I found that quite heart-breaking, I was tempted to feel cynical about it, but I didn’t. Like they say there is a story in both side of a coin.
Overall, I enjoyed the day. By mid noon it was crowded, I had difficulty moving around with my motorized wheelchair, a thought hit me at that moment, “hey, aren’t we facing economy downturn?” these guys are here, itching to spend $$$. That was something.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

28 days of February

28 days of February have flown by. By now I should be used to this ideology-time doesn’t stop for anyone. Time doesn’t care two hoots for you, It just moves on and on ....
I attended a few functions in February and one of them was an exhibition by Victor Chin, it was my second brush with Victor, within a few weeks. Let me inform you that I am not an ‘aficionado’ when it comes to art or anything in that line. It was the title of the exhibition that took me there and I needed to know and feel what a exhibitions is all about, in a personal way. I was scanning the online newspapers when the word “disability” stuck out sharply, the next word was exhibition. I shut my eyes and virtualized the scenes – the American panorama drifted into my mind. I confess I’m a bit nave when it comes to exhibitions.
To start with I arrived very very VERY early at the venue…...before the organizers….don’t how that happen really….no traffic jams I think. Fell in love with park on first sight. I was solemnly warned by the van driver not to saunter around and get lost before he arrives to pick me up. Some people don’t know how to appreciate nature or parks – so sad!
Meeting Ameer and See Num for the first time at KLpac was a rare experience. That particular day was a very hot one, but these two adorable gentlemen were my guide at the park – it was a ‘sweaty’ tour for us!
I was scanning the online newspapers when the word “disability” stuck out sharply, the next word was exhibition. I shut my eyes and virtualized the scenes – the American panorama drifted into my mind. I confess I’m a bit nave when it comes to exhibitions.
I believe we all had a very relaxed time. Personally I found it very serene and smooth spacing, we weren’t rushed off here or there, like a bunch of sheep’s, everything was like ‘slow & steady’ type of atmosphere – I liked that very much.
Thank you Victor – if you are reading this. The world needs people like you, a shame that aren’t that many around.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The coup

It is exasperating to see such political turmoil in Perak. Injustice always infuriates me. The coup is play of powers, Power is very attractive to everyone who holds it, and power is menace, a troublemaker. It can terrorize anyone or everyone.

Political power when goes unchecked, issues gets underdone and undercooked. I have always felt that people play a crucial role where political theme are exhibited, sadly the people had demonstrate temperate attitude towards such matters. Malaysians must realize that the ‘power’ is in their hands.

There are times I wonder if Malaysian politicians are creatures of compassion or homicides humans. To cause unnecessary hardship to fellow humans, invoke my antipathy and for a charistian, as I’m – that is bad. I know politics is rarely clean, when there is a good one, the bad one will desire to annihilate it, by hook or by crook, you can be sure of it, hundred percent.

Hopefully, as we tussle with this issue of unclean politics in our country, may the generation ahead wrestle all the malice politicians out of our system for good. Sounds impossible – right!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I am suffering from some kind of insomnia at the moment, mind & body not collaborating. I don't consciously and deliberately do just happens, much to my annoyance. It seem like I am floating in midst of misty cloud, days just wizzed on & on......I wonder when or what is going to shake me out of it....

Monday, February 09, 2009

The 3 D's

Some things happen so fast that the mind has a problem absorbing it, mine does at the moment. Chinese New Year is over! So now it is a dry season with an occasional “day off” here and there as the months fly.
As usual my life is clustered with all kinds’ things, spiritual, emotional, physical, social. and psychological. All these areas are part of the parcel in life. There is no escaping from it. As a disable person I need to rein in my words, thoughts, and my vision. At times such restrictions put a lot of stress on me, when I’m in a societal gathering. Communities in Malaysia have their own theory on disable issues, some will allow you to say what you want to say but in the end they will have the final say.
Moving on, discarding the three D’s as I call it, disappointments, disconcertments and displeasures. If I were to carry these three elements as tokens of life, I don’t think God will be pleased with me.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


According to the Existentialist, a human being's existence is a lonely existence. At the end of the day, we are all alone. Can anyone ever truly understand what it is to be you, to experience all the things you have experienced, to understand your joys and happiness, your pains and sorrows? Surely we can talk to other people about how we feel, we can draw pictures, we can play music, but all this attempt to communicate ultimately leaves something behind. We cannot always get our feelings, ideas or experiences across exactly. There is a painful reality that ultimately we are alone, by ourselves, and ultimately lonely.

Some people are better at alleviating their loneliness than other people, at hiding their monadic existence than others. For them, loneliness is a fleeting feeling that visits them on gloomy days or rainy days when human contact becomes minimal and they are left only with the thoughts in their heads. For others, loneliness is a curse, a shadow that follows them all the time, that rears its ugly head at every human contact, that surrounds them in their waking and in their dreams.

Whether I agree with it or not, loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood.

Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.

So what is loneliness? Is it a feeling? A condition? For different people, it means different things. I suppose, It is hard to describe exactly what it is, or how come we feel this way. Perhaps a better question is "what is loneliness for you?"

Life is a journey, I am not sure what I am experiencing right now…….maybe a short spell of isolation within my sanctuary.

One can be alone in a crowd

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