Phenomenon

According to the Existentialist, a human being's existence is a lonely existence. At the end of the day, we are all alone. Can anyone ever truly understand what it is to be you, to experience all the things you have experienced, to understand your joys and happiness, your pains and sorrows? Surely we can talk to other people about how we feel, we can draw pictures, we can play music, but all this attempt to communicate ultimately leaves something behind. We cannot always get our feelings, ideas or experiences across exactly. There is a painful reality that ultimately we are alone, by ourselves, and ultimately lonely.

Some people are better at alleviating their loneliness than other people, at hiding their monadic existence than others. For them, loneliness is a fleeting feeling that visits them on gloomy days or rainy days when human contact becomes minimal and they are left only with the thoughts in their heads. For others, loneliness is a curse, a shadow that follows them all the time, that rears its ugly head at every human contact, that surrounds them in their waking and in their dreams.

Whether I agree with it or not, loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood.

Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.

So what is loneliness? Is it a feeling? A condition? For different people, it means different things. I suppose, It is hard to describe exactly what it is, or how come we feel this way. Perhaps a better question is "what is loneliness for you?"

Life is a journey, I am not sure what I am experiencing right now…….maybe a short spell of isolation within my sanctuary.

One can be alone in a crowd

2009

During the year may you have

Enough happiness to keep you sweet.

Enough trials to keep you strong.

Enough sorrow to keep you human.

Enough hope to keep you happy.

Enough failure to keep you humble.

Enough success to keep you eager.

Enough friends to give you comfort.

Enough wealth to meet your needs.

Enough enthusiasm to make you look forward to tomorrow.

Enough determination to make each day better than the day before.

Enough is a balance word. You accept it as it come. Enough is enough.

"For last year's words belong to last year's languageAnd next year's words await another voice.And to make an end is to make a beginning.~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

last days

Christmas isn’t exactly over yet.......this Christmas was really singular, is a sense that I celebrated it in my own place, not only that I manage to put up the Christmas tree, which we (my rarely live in housemate) bought last year, plus the decorations as well and threw a mini tea party. Phew that was a lot of work. I was really worried about the menu. It turned out OK.
Christmas has many meanings for many people.......on Christmas Eve I stayed at home........the need for silence at this joyful occasion was overwhelming.
I was prevented by all the artificial noises inside and outside the church. This Christmas eve I mediated on certain questions........alone with God. It was awesome. I went down memory lane, it was good and not so good, one thing for sure, God is in control. Life has to on till the next Christmas comes along. Each is special in its own way.

It was good to wake up late today. For the past few weeks I was moving in a speed that put a strain on my physical posture. It will resume in few days time as I am having a short break now, In January I should be back to my normal routine, as my studying/observing tenure will be completed by then.
I know that my body cannot stand too much pressure, never the less I need to break the normal habitual system to experience some sort of stupefaction in my life. Incomprehension is part of the parcel in life – we cannot understand the perplexity of it, we shouldn’t try – I don’t.
I’m filled with admiration for a few of my disable pals. It is a tough life, living and in an environment that is still has a hostile attitude towards them. I guess we are unique in our coordination – the way we do and handle things in life. Yes we have techniques. Honestly, I am honored to have been given this opportunity to mingle with this group. I have someone to thank, his name (he says that isn’t his real name – must be a spy) is Thomas Low – he is a talented persuader. He first hooked me and then
fixed transportation for me without a hassle – that is a rare feat!

Phew........

I know that I’ vent fill my blog got some time. That was because the telephone cables where stolen, as usual, the remedy took long – typical malaysian style. The system is back, running smoothly now, I’m told that the thief might strike again, that is one of the reasons one has to tolerate living in low cost flat, besides time are hard $ isn’t raining from the sky.

A lot has been happening & time is constrained. I am in the mist of doing a computer course which swallows up all my time – traveling to and fro, four times a week is taxing, physically. This is really not my cup of tea, never the less, I find it a good experience in understanding what stress is all about!!
I am enjoying my lessons. I wish I could tell u more, maybe later, right now I have to go to bed early & rise early – just like normal working folks.

Yesterday I attended a meeting on public transportation issues of the disabled. Frankly most of us are fed up at the sordid treatment that was rendered by the government towards the disable community.
The disable advocators are all luxury car owners, so their concept is just to appear in the media and gratify the organizers. These disable advocators are a nuisance for those who really want to see issues implement at a lightening speed. Frankly I am too disgusted by some of these advocators. Why, because they compromise a lot, for their own benefits. They have become corrupted by greed and crave for power in leadership. They now practice unspeakable tactics to underscore and dent another disable person, much to my chagrin, this is such a poignant affair, the disable in Malaysia have yet to progress to attain a quality lifestyle.

My brainpower is under going some kind of construction – I can hardly string in a sensible sentence for the blog. Maybe it gone into hallucinate mode. give me sometime to scan it. Till then ………hang on.

Amazing God

Psalm 139:7-18 (King James Version)

7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

I worship the most amazing God who understand "my all".

Reason, Season & Vision

People come into your life for a reason,

a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you’ll know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you’ve expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance & support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need

them to be.
Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desires fulfilled, their work done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationship teaches you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you’ve

learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
You don’t need a psychiatrist to tell you this.

There is something very contemptible about the disable originations in our country, the leadership is very egotistic and conceited. Leaders, with amateurish and repulsive mentality are steering this ship. I guess that is why the disables are facing so many problems, in terms of developing their lifestyle.
The politics within the disable community is certainly unbeneficial to a normal disable person, seeking to enlarge his vision or to build his self-image. I encountered countless problems and unintelligent advice from fellow disable leader in my five years of rapport with them.
I was glad that the entire incident didn’t cause me to have any psychosomatic disorder, thanks to all the books I had read and the Bible that seem to come out alive with miraculous answers.
I am now taking a well deserved sojourn from all of them. God has provided a cozy nest for me – for the moment till the next step………

Pericles

"Just because you don't take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you."- Pericles.

For those of you, ahem….who haven’t the faintest irking who ahem…….. Pericles is (also spelled Perikles) 495–429 BC, (meaning "surrounded by glory") was a prominent and influential statesman, orator, and general of Athens during the city's Golden Age–specifically, the time between the Persian and Peloponnesian wars. He was descended, through his mother, from the powerful and historically influential Alcmaeonid family.

Pericles promoted the arts and literature; this was a chief reason Athens holds the reputation of being the educational and cultural centre of the ancient Greek world. He started an ambitious project that built most of the surviving structures on the Acropolis (including the Parthenon). This project beautified the city, exhibited its glory, and gave work to the people. Furthermore, Pericles fostered Athenian democracy to such an extent that critics call him a populist.

I believe theologians would be familiar with Athens, birthplace of Socrates, Pericles, Sophocles and its many other prominent philosophers, writers and politicians of the ancient world. It is widely referred to as the cradle of Western Civilization.
We have progressed far deeper into civilization now – looking around us, problems are still in existence, disguise in different names I suppose.

When I read biographies of men, I often see these men attribute much of their greatness to their mother's influence on them in their early life. Pericles' mother, Agariste, was a scion of the powerful and controversial noble family of the Alcmaeonidae. Woman are just amazing…….........
Pericles is prehistoric figure. So what am I doing with this historical figure in our modern era? Simple I like his quotes and I like reading historical figure. Simple English for you………
“The whole earth is the tomb of heroic men and their story is not given only on stone over their clay but abides everywhere without visible symbol woven into the stuff of other mens lives.” Pericles

Up up up and away it goes

Up Up Up and away it goes, so our $$$ is vanishing at a speed of a jaguar Toning down our expenditures is quite mind-bogging these days, people who earn 4 figure salaries are crying ‘foul’. I have to survive on a 3 figure income and refrain from screaming ‘unfair’ ‘injustice’ and ‘intolerable’. This can be quite stressful for the my brain – you know, especially if you wheelchair bound individual. People tend to look at me as entity, without any personality or temperament, something like a casing. they think that being handicap is a ‘worry free’ lifestyle. We eat grass and drink air to sustain our life!!! Mana ada lah?
As I mingle among assorted troupe, my scrutiny is expanded and modified, so there are pros and con when I am among the various communities. This is an eye opener for me.
On my visiting rounds at University Hospital – the invisibility of christians in this place is really heartbreaking matter. The hospital is overflowing with muslims nurses and doctors. Many of then are generously kind & cooperative. I am a Christian and this finding makes me very unhappy. And I’m sure it will definitely make God unhappy too. Churches today seem less interested in investing quality time for the ‘people of the world’ but are hyper active within the four wall of their church. This sometimes agitate me. Christians have become frantic perfectionist within the church atmosphere. This is not a pleasant thing to say about my fellow believers and I am not saying this due to any inferno complex. I have visited churches in Petaling Jaya and Kuala Lumpur, the picture is still the same. When Jesus said go and preach the gospel – we have to go OUT to do it. Jesus Christ mingled with all kinds of people, the church only mingle with selected sect, They name it ‘the marketplace’ personally I find this ironic. Of course there is always the theological argument and answer for this issue – that is for you to decide.
We are going to face some kind of financial calamity, and I must confess this is a disturbing thought for our country which isn’t developed yet. I haven’t explored any method on stretching the dollar – frankly I have to leave in God’s Hands. Absolutely impossible on my part! It would be wonderful if the churches radiant God’s love and blessings instead of moving in hectic speed. People out there need to see God in this difficult time we all going through.

Mortality

There is something about this poem that trapped one simple industrious word…..

Mortality

Oh! why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast-flying cloud
A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave
He passeth from life to his rest in the grave.
The leaves of the oak and the willow shall fade,
Be scattered around, and together be laid;
And the young and the old, and the low and the high,
Shall moulder to dust, and together shall lie.
The infant a mother attended and loved;
The mother that infant's affection who proved;
The husband, that mother and infant who blest,--
Each, all, are away to their dwellings of rest.
The maid on whose cheek, on whose brow, in whose eye,
Shone beauty and pleasure, -- her triumphs are by;
And the memory of those who loved her and praised,
Are alike from the minds of the living erased.
The hand of the king that the sceptre hath borne,
The brow of the priest that the mitre hath worn,
The eye of the sage, and the heart of the brave,
Are hidden and lost in the depths of the grave.
The peasant, whose lot was to sow and to reap,
The herdsman, who climbed with his goats up the steep,
The beggar, who wandered in search of his bread,
Have faded away like the grass that we tread.
The saint, who enjoyed the communion of Heaven,
The sinner, who dared to remain unforgiven,
The wise and the foolish, the guilty and just,
Have quietly mingled their bones in the dust.
So the multitude goes -- like the flower or the weed
That withers away to let others succeed;
So the multitude comes -- even those we behold,
To repeat every tale that has often been told.
For we are the same our fathers have been;
We see the same sights our fathers have seen;
We drink the same stream, we view the same sun,
And run the same course our fathers have run.
The thoughts we are thinking, our fathers would think;
From the death we are shrinking, our fathers would shrink;
To the life we are clinging, they also would cling; --
But it speeds from us all like a bird on the wing.They loved --
but the story we cannot unfold;They scorned --
but the heart of the haughty is cold;They grieved --
but no wail from their slumber will come;They joyed --
but the tongue of their gladness is dumb.They died --
ay, they died; -- we things that are now,
That walk on the turf that lies over their brow,
And make in their dwellings a transient abode;
Meet the things that they met on their pilgrimage road.
Yea! hope and despondency, pleasure and pain,
Are mingled together in sunshine and rain;
And the smile and the tear, the song and the dirge,
Still follow each other, like surge upon surge.
'Tis the wink of an eye -- 'tis the draught of a breath--
From the blossom of health to the paleness of death,
From the gilded saloon to the bier and the shroud:--Oh! why should the spirit of mortal be proud?

By William Knox

Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre

Visited Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre yesterday as it held a BookFest@Malaysia 2008 exhibition.
It was the first time I came away from it – disappointed – as most of the books didn’t catch my attention. Spent two hours there and not a single book enthralled me.
I am a bookworm, no doubt about it, my reading habits maybe quite sluggish at this moment but when I get hold of a book………that it, I get obsessed.
So when I ended up buying CD’s instead of books, I am wondering if that worm inside me has gone monotonous!
Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad was there, autographing 100 copies of his book, "Dr Mahathir's Selected Letters to World Leaders." nope I did't buy his book - I consider it a waste of money.
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/5/30/nation/21401167&sec=nation
Somehow I didn’t have the urge to meet him too, as the place wasn’t crowded, it was quite easy to wheel up there & say "hi".

I guess I wasn't enthusiastic about it, but those around me were, so when I wheeled away - they were really mystified.

Alarmingly

Cyclone Nargis hit Burma on 3 May, killing tens of thousands of people and hitting the main rice-producing areas.
Alarming things are happening around the glob, very chaotic, I would say, but what is terribly distressing and startling is our ‘food productions’

From BBC: The prices of wheat and other basic foodstuffs such as maize and soya have also risen sharply, as weaker harvests have come at the same time as continuing population growth.
As a result, the Asian Development Bank has warned that one billion people across Asia are now at risk of malnutrition.- http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7389499.stm

I wasn’t too concern about it until I went out to buy bread and the price tag was perturbing. This reminded me of a “bible study” class I attended many moons back, where the speaker says that a day will come when we have to pay $5/- for a loaf of bread. When it does – Jesus Christ is coming SOON. The speaker is now with our Lord.
Frankly I wasn’t really keen to hear about such messages, it was very scary and nerve-racking teachings & I remembered, inwardly praying that it wouldn’t happen during my lifetime. Am still praying – but then He know what is best.
I have started practicing eating less. It is obvious
That our domestic market will decline in food productions – we may have less choice and voice in this matter.
Knowledge and experiences are entirely different when it comes to malnutrition, the need of the body can underscore ones determination, An inaccurate picture of malnutrition doesn’t teach us anything
I believe that seeing a video clip on starvation isn’t the same thing as experiencing it. I tried it when I learned about fasting – it wasn’t easy, but then we fast because we want to do so. We starve because there isn’t any other option!

Phenomenon

I must admit – not owning a car is placidly soothing. A rare phenomenon, I dare say,
Took a joy ride around Subang Jaya with a friend, to survey and to scrutinize. To my dismay, I found it wasn’t disable friendly. It was outrageously dangerous for the disable and its chaperon to move around Subang Jaya. Parking is absolutely impossible, sure can go crazy.

Migrated from Petaling Jaya to USJ1, six months ago – I am a noviciate to Subang Jaya and its surroundings. People here are not used to people in wheelchair. So I’m on mission impossible here!

I finally manage to find a hair saloon which was disable friendly. It was a relief to lighten the load on my head.

Hypocritically Amazing

I never liked reading the newspaper because I doubt their sincerity and intelligibility of it. Journalist these days have a problem understanding simple languages, be it Malay, English, Tamil or Chinese. I personally know a few who can really ask dumb questions. Their ignorance of exposing vital facts and information is an annoying factor that I abhor.
Maybe I don’t understand their job, or maybe I’m too harsh on them or maybe ……….. who care, all I know is that Malaysian journalist are the most republishing lot.
This piece of news didn’t really shock me – I’m far beyond that stage, it shows how sordid and repellent the pervious government was towards its citizens
The way the journalist wrote it – it sounded like a placid issue. Spending RM27m in fifty days! How sagging Barisan Nasional assemblymen can be. Escaping penitentiary too!
I sincerely wonder how the Barisan Nasional assemblymen could deceitfully and so hypocritically get away with all, maybe it is the sculpture of writings, journalist are so passive in their report……..well……… flaccid and flabby words, sure makes my skin crawl!

RM27m for Selangor burned up in 50 days!
By EDWARD RAJENDRA
Tuesday, April 15, 2008 Star news paper

KLANG: The 54 Barisan Nasional assemblymen in the previous administration spent their total annual allocation of RM27mil ringgit for 2008 in just 50 days from the beginning of the year, said Selangor exco member Ronnie Liu.
"There was shock and disbelief when the state executive councillors found out that an annual allocation of RM500,000 each, meant for repairing roads and drains, had been used up by February," he said.
He said the state government would ask all the 36 former Barisan assemblymen and the 18 who retained their seats to explain how the allocations, meant for minor repair works in their constituencies, were used.
Liu, who is State Local Government, Study and Research Committee chairman, was speaking to reporters after a visit to the Klang Municipal Council here on Monday.
He said Selangor Mentri Besar Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim decided last week to seek an explanation from the asemblymen to ensure accountability.
“All the letters to the assemblymen would be sent out within the week and they must give detailed accounts on how the allocations were used and who the contractors were who carried out the minor projects within their neighborhoods,” Liu said.
“We are not satisfied with the way allocations were used. We want to know how the rate-payers' money was used. But for now, we are not going to speculate on their spending trends. We will wait to see the outcome,” he said.
Ronnie said the assemblymen in the current government were now forced to ask for a fresh RM500,000 to provide the necessary services to their constituencies.
“We are going to come out with a new method where every sen spent will be accounted for. Our aim is to provide transparency, so, that the rakyat can check on the government’s expenditure,” he said.

fascinating

I couldn’t resist the urge in putting this in my blog, because I found it so fascinating and so astounding. It is incredibly true, it is in existence. So so awesome and so miraculous. Yap I am going over-board about it.
I have heard of tallest people and seen some pictures in the newspapers, but I wasn’t stunned by it.
She is so cute too.

She is 58cm, name Jyoti Amge Smallest girl in the world.

Motives

Motives – A very troublesome ‘word’, a negative & a positive expression, that occurs in certain phrase in our life. In mine too.
When we do weird things – so un-logical to the observers. When I do bizarre things, such as living alone in a flat, I was bombarded from all quarters. It wasn’t a realistic idea, in fact some of my friends were very alarmed. I am worshipping a “A living God” that all that matter to me.

There is a reason for everything we do under the sun or under our roof. Doesn’t that ring a bell somewhere in our mind, it does to me, I must have heard it or read somewhere, sometime ago.
Sometimes I am amaze how our brains can work, and I suddenly realize motive is brewed within the brain – that depends on circumstances one is in, motives draws suspicion, an automatic tendency that surfaces without any shove. I experience this a couple of years back, my brain scrutinize the situation in a most amazing manner. A lesson you can’t learn from a text book.
When large corporations give big money to a political campaign, we suspect an ulterior motive. In so many areas, we naturally look for the hidden agenda behind gifts, personal endorsements, and even good manners. It is only natural to evaluate all these with the boundaries of our mind.
One of the amazing lessons I learned is bad motives can put honorable actions to shame just as good motives can turn even the most menial task into something noble. The Bible emphasizes this in the most astounding way and manner.
At the moment I have stopped being concerned about the motives of others, people will always be people and people will have their own motives.

Asphyxiation of the truth

There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings. Dorothy Thompson:


There is something very very annoying about our country – asphyxiation of the truth.
A decade of corruption has throttled this exceptional virtue. The way I look at our politics presently.. It
going to be a tuff job for Malaysians to identify clean political principles when they see one. Time can only tell if our country is going uphill or downhill.
When one sits in a wheelchair – the scope is bountiful, amusing and infuriating. Questions flash in the mind. It makes me wonder about the influence of the power that is unseen verse the power that is seen.
Every panorama, the plot thickens. The victims must endure it, without a murmur, Malaysian style.
This all sound very paranoid. But I feel that is the truth, and truth doesn’t have a flavor or technique!
Truth is elegance. Not many will entertain or embrace in a enthusiasm manner. No matter how virtuous we are – including myself! No doubt about it,

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. Benjamin Disraeli: